Is ‘2 snacks 100 max’ perpetuating disordered eating?

When I was eight, I didn’t know what a calorie was. I didn’t know how many you should or should not eat, I just ate what I wanted and what my parents fed me. I was happy, healthy and I had a perfectly normal relationship with food. In that case, ignorance was bliss. Today, I…

Returning to uni: the good, the bad, and the scary

After a whole year at home, doing little more than attend therapy appointments, make meal plans, cry over said meal plans, volunteer at my old primary school and do hundreds of crosswords, I was heading back to uni. I’m not going to say that the past year was transformative or healing or even that it…

The ostrich, the rhino, the kangaroo and the dolphin

In the Maudsley model of anorexia treatment, carers and relatives of those with an eating disorder are likened to animals. There are the ostriches: those who bury their heads in the sand and pretend like nothing is happening. There are the rhinos, who charge full steam ahead with the sole intent of getting everything fixed…

Why so anti antidepressants?

Imagine breaking your leg and not taking painkillers? Imagine contracting a chest infection and refusing antibiotics? Imagine suffering from cancer and not receiving chemotherapy? It seems crazy, doesn’t it? Why wouldn’t you take the medicine that has been specifically engineered to help you, to treat you, to relieve you? There is an awful lot of…

Beach body bullsh*t

It’s that time of year again, when we are bombarded with the message that we are not good enough as we are. From juice fasts to firming lotions, superfoods to diet fads, we are instructed to take drastic action in order to make our bodies acceptable for summer. The message is masked beneath a disguise…

Early intervention: the difference between life and death

Imagine going to the doctor, and being diagnosed with stage one cancer. How would you feel? Scared? Distressed? Anxious? But also, perhaps, relieved: relieved that it had been caught early, thankful for the speedy referral by your GP, blessed that your chance of making a full recovery was a hopeful 90% rather than the pitiful…

A letter to anorexia

“Dear Ana, I can’t live without you, but it’s killing me to keep you alive.” These lyrics, from Matthew Koma’s single Dear Ana, ring eerily true. Because you’re killing me, Ana. You’re sucking me dry and you won’t stop until there’s nothing of me left; you won’t stop until I’m dead. I should hate you,…

It’s okay if all you did today was breathe

The most frustrating thing with recovery, is that it isn’t linear. Like, not even a little bit. There will some days, maybe weeks, maybe even months, when you feel on top of the world. You feel like a majestic unicorn who has overcome such struggle and is bounding forward on an enlightened journey of health…

Awareness is important, but action is essential

Today marks the beginning of Mental Health Awareness Week and I can’t help thinking, what’s the point in raising awareness when the state of our mental health system is in disarray? Are we setting people up for disappointment, encouraging them to open up about their struggles yet being unable to offer treatment or therapy? We…

Recovery and rediscovery

I try to think about the things that make me, me. I try to think about the things I love and the things that bring me joy, the things which make me feel passionate and proactive and powerful. But this is hard, because so much of me has been sucked dry by anorexia. That’s the…